68. Rational Decisions vs Coercion
As an adult I have responsibilities. I am not forced to do these things against my will. I used to think acting against my will was necessary but that was a misconception. The key difference lies in how we think about this as a dilemma. It is not a choice between my will and what is expected of me. It is between reason/rationality and coercion. Coercion (making them do things, or refrain from doing things, against their will) systematically disables the source of new ideas - human creativity. If the responsibility is reasonable and I understand and agree with its importance I will enact the required behavior. If I don’t understand the responsibility then my duty is to understand it as soon as I can. If I disagree it is rejected and I will accept the consequences. I may have to force myself to do certain things due to time restrictions but that is conditional on making a promise to seek to understand as soon as possible. Aligning my will and reasonable responsibilities through rationality is what I need. What if this is a key ingredient to the cure for ADHD?
Old Way of Thinking: What I Want vs. What Is Expected
| What Is Expected | What Is Not Expected | |
|---|---|---|
| What I Want | Aligned | Personal Goals |
| - Intrinsic Motivation | - Personal Fulfillment | |
| - Satisfaction | - No External Pressure | |
| What I Don't Want | Obligations | Disinterest |
| - External Motivation | - Lack of Motivation | |
| - Potential Resentment | - Potential Neglect |
Explanation:
- What I Want / What Is Expected (Aligned):
- Intrinsic Motivation: You are internally motivated to fulfill these responsibilities.
- Satisfaction: You feel satisfied and fulfilled because your desires align with expectations.
- What I Want / What Is Not Expected (Personal Goals):
- Personal Fulfillment: You pursue these activities out of personal interest and passion.
- No External Pressure: There is no external pressure, allowing for creativity and self-directed effort.
- What I Don't Want / What Is Expected (Obligations):
- External Motivation: You fulfill these responsibilities due to external pressures or expectations.
- Potential Resentment: You may feel resentful or stressed because these tasks do not align with your personal desires.
- What I Don't Want / What Is Not Expected (Disinterest):
- Lack of Motivation: You have no intrinsic or extrinsic motivation to engage in these activities.
- Potential Neglect: These tasks or activities are likely to be neglected or ignored as they hold no personal or external importance.
Practical Implications:
- Aligned: When what you want aligns with what is expected, it creates a harmonious situation where your intrinsic motivation drives you to meet expectations. This leads to greater satisfaction and engagement.
- Personal Goals: Pursuing what you want that is not expected allows you to fulfill personal goals and passions, fostering creativity and self-fulfillment.
- Obligations: When you don't want to do something but it is expected, it can lead to stress and resentment. It's crucial to either find intrinsic value in these tasks or to minimize such obligations if possible.
- Disinterest: Activities that are neither wanted nor expected should be deprioritized as they offer little value and can detract from more meaningful pursuits.
New Way of Thinking: Understanding vs. Agreement
| Agree | Disagree | |
|---|---|---|
| Understand | Rational Commitment | Informed Rejection |
| - Intrinsic Motivation | - Conscious Decision | |
| - Engagement | - Accept Consequences | |
| - High Satisfaction | - Integrity and Authenticity | |
| Don't Understand | Blind Compliance | Resistance |
| - External Motivation | - Confusion | |
| - Low Engagement | - Potential Conflict | |
| - Possible Resentment | - Stress and Frustration |
Explanation:
- Understand / Agree (Rational Commitment):
- Intrinsic Motivation: You are motivated from within because you understand and agree with the responsibility.
- Engagement: You are likely to be highly engaged and committed.
- High Satisfaction: This leads to a high level of satisfaction and fulfillment.
- Understand / Disagree (Informed Rejection):
- Conscious Decision: You make a conscious choice to reject the responsibility based on your understanding.
- Accept Consequences: You are prepared to accept any consequences of this rejection.
- Integrity and Authenticity: This approach maintains your integrity and authenticity, as you act according to your values and beliefs.
- Don't Understand / Agree (Blind Compliance):
- External Motivation: Your motivation is driven by external factors rather than personal understanding.
- Low Engagement: You are less engaged and may only comply superficially.
- Possible Resentment: This can lead to resentment over time, as the lack of understanding undermines intrinsic motivation.
- Don't Understand / Disagree (Resistance):
- Confusion: Lack of understanding coupled with disagreement leads to confusion.
- Potential Conflict: This situation is likely to cause internal or external conflict.
- Stress and Frustration: It can result in significant stress and frustration as you resist responsibilities that don't make sense to you.
Practical Implications:
- Rational Commitment: Strive to understand and agree with your responsibilities to foster intrinsic motivation and satisfaction.
- Informed Rejection: If you understand but disagree, make a conscious decision to reject the responsibility and accept the consequences. This approach supports integrity.
- Blind Compliance: Aim to move beyond blind compliance by seeking to understand the rationale behind responsibilities. This can enhance engagement and reduce resentment.
- Resistance: Work on improving your understanding of responsibilities to mitigate resistance and reduce stress. Clarifying expectations can help resolve conflicts and confusion.
What do you think about this? Could this framing help you?