38. Self-Discipline & Self-Integration
Self-discipline is defined as the ability to control one's feelings and overcome one's weaknesses; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.
This does not work for me and maybe it doesn’t work for you too. The definition suggests that there is a struggle within you and that is okay, pick the right side. It assumes we know what the right side is. Let’s say I sacrifice my leisure time to climb the corporate ladder but I die just before I could get the long overdue promotion. This was not the correct side to choose. The reverse could also happen. I could live like there is no tomorrow but tomorrow comes. Therefore, without knowing the future how could one know what is the right side? Maybe that definition is not helpful. I thought about this for a while and came to this conclusion. What if we redefined self-discipline so that it is more useful? Nothing stops us from improving on it. So I started to think about this internal struggle that is created, and why it is necessary, but I could not find a good reason to justify enduring it. Enduring the pain strengthens the irrational ability to do nothing with the conflict. I don’t want that. The conflict to me is the problem. I want there to be no conflict. I want my entire being to be in harmony and rationally decide what to do. So I came up with the following definition.
Self-discipline is the determination to self-integrate.
Where,
Self-integration is the process of mutually aligning one’s actions, values, and desires, through the resolution of internal conflicts.
The process of self-integration involves a continual dialogue between what we do, value, and desire, with the understanding that each can inform and shape the other. You have an explanation for why an action is desired or undesired. Can you uncover this explanation? Can you rationally criticize it? Is it a good, hard to vary, explanation? If we can find and reject the bad explanations then maybe we would be left with the good explanations, which can create an alignment within us. Self-discipline means we desire to repeat this process of self-integration resolving internal conflicts until our entire being is in agreement.
In simpler terms, we work until our actions, feelings, and values all match up. This means checking in with ourselves to ensure what we do, want, and believe are in harmony. If there is a conflict it should be investigated and resolved. This is how I think self-discipline should be. How would you redefine it?